10 Things Overheard At My Fantasy Football Draft

Added on Aug 20, 2010 by Scott in

NFL

In my mind, the most exciting part of the fantasy football experience is the draft. Especially those drafts where all (or most) of the participants gather at an agreed upon location to select what they hope will be their championship squads. Order a few pizzas, crack open some beers and talk football with your pals. It makes for a grand ol’ time. I’ve already attended an in-person draft that was ripe with insulting barbs, well-timed witticisms and bold statements. Here are ten of the very best things I overheard.

10. “You Know, Big Ben was found not guilty.”

Delivered by: Mike, the obsessed Steelers fan with a flaming skull tattoo on his forearm.

Why it was memorable: After drafting Roethlisberger for the third straight year, Mike unleashed a spirited diatribe in defense of his touchy-feely signal caller that would have made an attorney proud. We all laughed hysterically and proceeded to call Big Ben a big rapist.

9. “Todd Haley is an asshole.”

Delivered by: Dan, the divorced father of two.

Why it was memorable: Dan’s selection of Jamaal Charles in the second-round spawned a chorus of “Thomas Jones is the starter” taunts. Dan, without missing a beat, responded with how he truly felt about the Chiefs head coach. Simple, yet brilliant.

8. “Do you pronounce the “l” in Kolb?”

Delivered by: Anthony, the high school dropout wearing an Eli Manning jersey.

Why it was memorable: We love Anthony, but he’s never been very good at pronunciation. He still calls Brian Urlacher Brian Ur-latch-er. Correcting him does no good, so we told him to pronounce the “l” in Kolb, then giggled every time he said his name.

7. “Cedric Benson equals fantasy gold.”

Delivered by: Sean, the loquacious know-it-all with a shady profession.

Why it was memorable: Sean is the guy who loves every player he picks. Throughout the draft he will drop unsubstantiated claims about members of his team like, “Cedric Benson equals fantasy gold” and “CJ Spiller is the steal of the draft, bitches.” It’s all very amusing. As for Sean, we’re all but convinced he’s a meth dealer.

6. “Didn’t Brandon Jacobs die in the offseason?”

Delivered by: Eric, the unemployed chef who drinks nothing but White Russians.

Why it was memorable: We think he was serious. He uttered it with such conviction that I did a quick Google search to confirm he was wrong. After informing him Jacobs was very much alive, he calmly shrugged and rechecked his rankings as if nothing was said. Weird.

5. “If Al Davis drafted him, he’s gotta be good.”

Delivered by: Brian, the dedicated commissioner of our league.

Why it was memorable: Immediately after nabbing Michael Bush in the tenth-round, Brian dropped this wonderful little nugget and got the biggest laugh of the day. Bashing Al Davis never gets old.

4. “How the fk do you spell Aromashodu?”**

Delivered by: Carter, the circumspect defending league champion.

Why it was memorable: Carter is kinda like a silent assassin. He never says too much and always walks away with a kick-ass roster. He gladly took Devin in the ninth-round, but became incensed when trying to type his last name. Carter scares me.

**3. “I’m calling my squad Inception, because I just drafted the Dream Team.”**

Delivered by: Adam, the sci-fi movie buff whose teams always suck.

Why it was memorable: It was such a hack line we couldn’t help but chuckle. Adam’s roster is peppered with injury risks like Steven Jackson and Brett Favre, so his post-draft assessment left us all scratching our heads.

2. “Peyton Manning is a GOD!”

Delivered by: Gordon, the Phys Ed teacher wearing a horrific Hawaiian shirt.

Why it was memorable: Gordon has a major man-crush on Peyton. Listening to him gush over the Colts QB was both annoying and disturbing. However, the last time he owned him, he won the league title.

1. “Not that Steve Smith, the other one.”

Delivered by: Phil, the disgruntled office worker who likes pineapple on his pizza.

Why it was memorable: Half of us thought he meant the Panthers Smith, the other half thought it was the Giants Smith. Since both guys are rated roughly the same, it’s easy to get confused. Phil took the younger, which allowed me to grab the elder. I’m still not sure who got the better Smith.